Sexual Fantasies

Do you believe that the brain is the largest sex organ?

A full desire translated into an imaginary act can actually result to an orgasmic feeling. During sexual intercourse or daydreaming, we sometimes imagine romantic scenes which arouse us.

Fantasies can also "turn off” undesirable factors that affect the act. For instance, a woman can fantasize to keep herself from thinking about her bodily imperfections and odors; some guys, on the other hand, entertain non-sexual thoughts to avoid premature ejaculation.

Sexual fantasies are helpful. They can serve as an outlet for real-life restraints, and can help you plan future sexual encounters. In daydreaming, you can assume any role you never had. You can play the powerful one or the victim who enjoys being a slave; you can also imagine having multiple partners. It is sad that sexual fantasies have taboo status, and that’s why it becomes private; it remains repressed and never enacted in real life.

Sexual fantasies can be simple or out of this world. A number of people resort to fantasizing a simple walk in the park, while others linger on BDSM: Bondage and Discipline(B/D), Dominance and Submission(D/S), and Sadism and Masochism (S/M). For BDSM, the fundamental principle is voluntarily giving up control.

Half the male population finds being restrained from pleasure erotic. So in their fantasy, they want to be chained or cuffed while the woman is pumping on top. On the other hand, females have a penchant for the rape fantasy. Women tend to fantasize about being forced to surrender or becoming overpowered, but not being hurt. While reading this, you might say that this fantasy is overboard. But believe me when I tell you that these activities, be it just a daydream or reality, involve a great deal of responsibility. If you desire this, you are not weird or deviant but just adventurous. Just remember that BDSM involves an “SSC principle" (Safe, Sane, and Consensual).

Common fantasies are those that we can openly talk to our friends and partner about. In general, both sexes fancy reliving their most erotic sexual experience. It can be with their current partner, or while imagining having sex with a different partner. Women think of having sex in romantic locations, she in the irresistible lead role. Men daydream about having sexual power over multiple sex partners.

Whatever your fantasies are, it would be wise to share it with your partner. It will bring you closer and help you gain more intimacy and trust. It would be better for your man to involve you in his fantasies than achieve it through your best friend. You wouldn’t want him uttering another name while you're doing it, right?

Are you a sex addict?

Or is your partner a sex addict? I have heard some women complain that their husbands just can’t get enough, to the point that their vagina already gets swollen. Which leaves me wondering if these guys might be sex addicts.

Sexual addiction is the uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual activity. It can be with a partner or through viewing pornography, masturbation, visiting CSWs (commercial sex workers), among other sexual activities. Some people are not aware that they are sex addicts because their lifestyle is not affected glaringly; yet addiction can affect the productivity and relationships of some.

The dynamics of sexual addiction which is similar to one’s dependence on alcohol or illegal drugs. During sex, the body releases a powerful concoction of chemical substances that cause euphoria. The body gets used to these chemicals, similar to what happens with any other addictive substances, and the person ends up craving for more to consistently achieve the same effect. As a result, he or she will engage in any sexual activity no matter what it takes.

Sex addicts have high and low points. Sometimes they are elated, sometimes they are melancholic. They could also feel remorse, regret, anxiety, and isolation. Unfortunately, these people feel helpless and unable to change, and they believe that sex is their only escape.

How do you know if you or your partner is a sex addict? Go over this checklist of characteristics:

* Unable to decrease sexual activity in spite of knowing the consequences.
* Neglects important social, occupational, or recreational activities in favor of sexual behavior.
* Spends too much time and money planning and engaging in sexual activities.
* Suffers from intense mood swings when sexual desires are unfulfilled.
* Uses sexual fantasies or activities as a way of coping with stressful situations.

The first step to treating sexual addiction is acknowledging that you are indeed addicted. You have to accept that this disruptive behavior affects your everyday life. No one can recuperate from a problem without first acknowledging it and taking full responsibility for the recovery. Seek the help of professionals because they understand the situation better and can help you take specific steps toward a healthier sexual lifestyle.

If you suspect that your partner is a sex addict, talk to him. Get a specialist to help him deal with the actual addiction. A counselor can also help you go through challenges as a couple while he is undergoing treatment. It may be painful for both of you, but remember that sexual addiction will have longstanding effects if it remains unchecked.

The not so romantic facts about love

When we talk about relationships, we associate it with romance, making love, and friendship. But you must also know that the least romantic aspects of a relationship have the most to teach about yourself, your partner, and love in general.

Here are some realities.

You’ll work harder than you ever imagined. Relationships come with major responsibilities. They grow and evolve; thus, everyday is a learning experience. Learning is sometimes painful, but it will make you stronger. Relationships are not always a bed of roses. Don’t easily give up; efforts give endless rewards.

You will sometimes go to bed angry (and wake up angrier). There are some fights that stubbornly refuse to abate by bedtime—which is not an absolute deadline for fights. When you are still mad, you can sleep on it because you need to calm down. Maybe the next morning, you have gained a new perspective. It is also possible that the next morning, you will still be upset and reignite the fight. This can work positively, as it exhausts all the negative feelings; whereas you may kiss and make up before sleeping but repress wounded feelings.

There are sexless periods. This is normal especially when sleep becomes more important than sex. It is not an absolute sign that something is wrong; it’s just that sometimes, mojo is dormant. However, if the sexless period lasts more than a month, you might want talk to your partner or try sexual adventures.

Compromise is better than “I am right.” People tend to feel good when they know that they are right. Yet arguments are prolonged because each party claims she or he is right. This should not be the case because the more you insist you are right, the more discontented your partner will be. So instead of disagreements, why not have more patience and learn the value of compromise?

Conflict means we are trying to get it right. Fighting occasionally is healthy. It is as important as compromise. During fights, couples not only raise their points but also bring unresolved issues to the surface. When two people engage in a fight, it means they are affected. When the urge to fight withers, the relationship is doomed: remember, the opposite of love is not hate or anger but indifference.

You can change only yourself. You’ll just get exhausted if you keep nagging your partner to change his habits or mindset. Trying to change a fully molded person is impossible. The easier task will be to change the way you respond to your partner. Learn how to respect the person he or she is. You must love that person not only for what he is, but also for what he is not.

Is there such thing as forever? This question is commonly asked, but the meaning and impact will only be felt when problems kick in. Yes, your love can last forever. But it is entirely up to you if you will put up with your partner or give up the fight.