How to avoid falling in love too quickly...and getting hurt

You’ve gone out on a few albeit really amazing dates, and you’re beginning to think he’s the one. He has practically all the qualities you’re looking for in a man, and the way he behaves around you, he’s smitten by you, too.

Yet your gut is telling you something’s definitely wrong with the picture because he’s not communicating with you regularly, and he disappears for weeks then reappears with a date proposition like not much time has passed since he last called. And you are bothered by this. What could be going on here?

If you find that you can relate to the above scenario, chances are you’re falling more quickly than you should. Given his inconsistencies, you can’t really be too sure he’s into you just yet; we’d go as far as saying he’s just not that into you.

Listen to your instincts and pay attention to red flags.
If your gut is telling you something is wrong with your dating scenario, you should pay more attention. You may be swept off your feet by his sweet gestures, but if you don’t feel him investing any emotions, neither should you. People find themselves involved with the wrong partners because they chose to ignore red flags at the beginning, says eHarmony. An example is when your date can’t shut up about their ex. They’re not ready yet and you’d save yourself so much trouble not to waste more time on them.

Remember that actions speak louder than words.
He may say he’s ready to get into a relationship but continues to check out other girls. eHarmony advises screening your potential partners for those whose actions do not match their words, and get them out of your life, pronto. They’re not worth the time you’d probably spend pondering on them.

Signs your new man is seeing someone else

Going out with a new guy is exhilarating! Every date affords new opportunities to find out more to love about each other. But the are-we-or-aren’t-we phase can be frustrating, too. Since the two of you haven’t gone out long enough to establish exclusivity, you can never be sure if he’s seeing only you…or fooling around with other girls, too.

Here are three signs Romeo might be still be playing the field:

* He always stays at your place. If a guy doesn’t bring you to his personal space, and instead opts to spend time in yours, there might be something he’s trying to hide, like remnants from a past relationship or worse, a present one.
* His kissing style changes. When you kiss a guy, you unconsciously match your kissing rhythm with his. If you notice that his kisses feel a little different from what you’ve grown accustomed to, that’s a red flag. He’s probably been out kissing someone else just recently.
* He waits forever to call. A guy who is into you will make sure he asks you out quite regularly and in advance—before anyone else beats him to it. If he asks you out at the last minute, you’re probably not number one on his list of priorities.

Keep these telltale signs in mind when you start going out with a new guy. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Survival guide: For BREAK UPS

Just when you thought things were going great between you and your guy (you can even imagine spending your life with him), he leaves you, just like that. It may be for another woman or he simply fell out of love. And here you are, wondering what you did wrong, obsessing about how to get him back, and just desperately wishing you’d be happy again.

In case you didn’t know, there is life after a breakup. A great one, at that. All it takes is the will to move forward and knowledge of ways to do that it in the healthiest time and manner possible.

Give yourself time to wallow in pain, then move on and think rationally about the situation. You do need to confront it and feel the emotions, but you need to put a cap on it as well.Find a balance between wallowing in pain and reflecting on what actually happened. Limit crying time to 8PM to 9PM for instance, but after that, you must stop and analyze factors that led to the breakup in the first place, so you can avoid them.

Don’t go for quick fixes like sex with an ex or a one night stand, as they don’t feel good for long. Ultimately, you’re going to have to allow yourself to be vulnerable again, and that can’t happen until you’ve gone through the healing process.

Indulge in breakup movies.Be it for “escapism or self-assessment, laughs or bitter revenge”

Make morale-booster lists three weeks after the breakup. First make a list of things that make you a wonderful person, including successes, achievements, and positive traits. You can even ask your closest friend to help you. Then make a list of your ex’s flaws. It’s not exactly the noblest thing to do, but it will help you realize you deserve better and he’s not as amazing as you thought he was. Post both lists where you can easily see them in your room, and believe that you’ll survive and find someone much better.

Surround yourself with loved ones. As much as possible, try not to be alone at least during the first week of the breakup.Your true friends will be more than willing to stay with you throughout this ordeal. Not only will it keep you from thinking too much about the disaster, it will also prevent you from calling him or seeing him. If he wants reconciliation, he’ll come back; you shouldn’t beat him to it.

Keep your weekends and weeknights full. For the next two weeks after the breakup, tell people you’re broken up, allow friends to spoil you, and if you don’t want to talk about the details, tell them, advises Cox.

Gather everything that reminds you of your ex and the relationship and put them away. From CDs, letters, and photos to old shirts, stuffed toys, and gifts, nothing should be spared. Put away all his emails in a separate folder and delete old text messages, too. Don’t go to places where you might see him or that remind you of him, advises Cox. Any reminder of what you had will not help you heal; on the contrary, it may just delay healing or make it even
harder.

Move on with your life. If you’re even hoping for reconciliation, you must realize that the “quicker you accept he's gone for good—even if he isn't—the quicker you'll get over him and the more likely it is he'll want to return,”. The more you pester him to come back, the more relieved he’ll be to have you out of his life.

Stop finding out anything more about him. Four weeks into the breakup, tell common friends to quit reporting every sighting of him and his new flame or even every failure he’s had, just to make you feel better. And tune out friends who keep trying to make you believe he’ll come back; it’s never healthy. If it will happen, it will happen.

Assess the breakup objectively and thoroughly. A month into the breakup—provided you followed the previous steps—you should be ready to dissect every single thing that could have led to the breakup in the first place. Ask trusted friends to say their piece—with the condition that it has to be completely honest. If, after this analysis, you find yourself wanting to talk to your ex, don’t. Cox recommends writing it all in a letter then waiting a few more weeks before posting it—enough time for you to decide he doesn’t really need to know all these.

Don’t hurry to replace your ex. You may be less lonely and volatile a couple of months after the breakup, but you definitely need more time to feel pain, reflect, and eventually heal—which takes the longest. Don't rush to fill the cold spot in your bed. The right time to start a fresh, new, serious relationship is when you honestly believe you understand what went wrong the last time and—even more importantly—feel confident of your judgment to pick someone who really will be a happy, healthy choice. Then open yourself to the feeling of falling in love again, this time armed with valuable knowledge and experience.